Cosmic Hitchhikers Appreciation Society (C.H.A.S.)
CHAS, founded in 1983 by a group of well-meaning psychotic individuals, is a club (as you might’ve guessed, since you’re on UMSU’s Clubs and Societies page) that predominantly appreciates all things Cosmic Hitchhikers, Douglas Adams, and anything concerning the number 42. But we do more (no, we won’t sell you steak knives…unless you’re really nice and have no criminal record)! We froods appreciate other science-fiction comedy such as Red Dwarf, Doctor Who, Terry Pratchett, and generally anything or anyone or anyboing we happen to find strangely amusing (and that includes quite a lot). We are a fairly active club, meeting once a week, and we have groovy t-shirts. We also have shiny badges, and some of the committee members are nice. Some also have fungus growing on their feet, but that is another matter. Some have antifungus, but that is an antimatter. We like saying “zootlewurdle, zootlewurdle, zootlewurdle” quite a bit. Also, we like to prove that being dead is not compulsory, that fart jokes are a real gas and that the round table wasn’t. We also tend to have the occasional BBQ or picnic or trivia night while stomping around in dressing-gowns and slippers, also while shouting “zootlewurdle, zootlewurdle, zootlewurdle”. Our e-mail, for those technologically advanced (which one may assume, since you found your way here) is chas42[at]gmail.com (we used to have a website but it was lost to the space-pixies – but we are on Facebook, if you can find us).
Cosmic Hitchhikers Appreciation Society
First Floor, Union House
University of Melbourne VIC 3010
(1) To increase the general knowledge of, and proliferate the enjoyment of: the works of Douglas Adams (including primarily his increasingly misnamed five-book trilogy in four parts, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The Restaurant at the end of the Universe, Life, the Universe and Everything, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, and Mostly Harmless, as well as the scripts of the radio series of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the radio series itself, (aren’t time warps funny things?), Doctor Who, the Dirk Gently novels, Last Chance to See, the multiple Meanings of Liff, and any other books that he may write or has written in the foreseeable, or unforeseeable, or slightly obscured by that person over there future, if he manages to rise from the dead or communicate via time-travelling donkey), assorted British comedians/writers/comedy groups (mainly including but not limited to Terry Pratchett, Rowan Atkinson, Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Billy Connolly, Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, Rob Grant, Doug Naylor, Chris Barrie, Robert Llewellyn, Craig Charles, Danny John-Jules, Lenny Henry, Rik Mayall, Adrian Edmondson, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan, Peter Richardson, Robbie Coltrane, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Julian Clary, The Goodies, Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey, Eddie Izzard, Simon Pegg, Jessica Stevenson, Nick Frost, Edgar Wright, Jimmy Carr, Ben Elton, Steve Coogan, Rob Brydon, David Mitchell, Victoria Wood, Paul Merton, Tony Slattery, P.G Wodehouse, The Two Ronnies, Charlie Chaplin, Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, The Goons, Alan Davies, Alec Guinness, Ricky Gervais, Sue Townsend, Rory Bremner, Bob Monkhouse, Dick Emery, Chris Morris, Barry Cryer, The Comic Strip, Vic Reeves, Bob Mortimer, Vivian Stanshall and The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band), non-British-but-still-hilarious comedians/writers/comedy groups (mainly including but not limited to Emo Philips, Steven Wright, Matt Groening, Mitch Hedberg, Bill Hicks, Adam Hills, Tim Minchin, James Thurber, Mel Brooks, The Marx Brothers, Woody Allen, Steve Martin, Gene Wilder, Peter Jackson, Albert Brooks, Seth MacFarlane, W.C. Fields, Robin Williams and Dan Harmon) assorted comedy television series (including but not limited to Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, Black Books, Blackadder, The Young Ones, Bottom, Yes Minister, I’m Alan Partridge, Spaced, Father Ted, Little Britain, Danger Mouse, Northern Exposure, Drop the Dead Donkey, Jeeves and Wooster, The Comic Strip Presents…, Have I Got News for You, QI, Futurama, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Arrested Development, Asylum, Jonathan Creek, The IT Crowd, Whose Line Is It Anyway, The D-Generation, Danger Mouse, Penfold, Sesame Street, Believe Nothing, Invader Zim, Monkey Magic, The Red Green Show, The Thick of It, A Bit of Fry & Laurie, Seinfeld, Get Smart, M*A*S*H, Are You Being Served?, Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em, ‘Allo ‘Allo, Dad’s Army, It Ain’t Half Hot Mum, The Late Show, The Office, The Mighty Boosh, My Family, Dead Ringers, Thomas the Tank Engine, Daria, Scrubs, Community, Shooting Stars, Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace and any of the series featuring the aforementioned people if these series have not been mentioned), assorted comedy films (mainly including but not limited to The Blues Brothers, Ghostbusters, This Is Spinal Tap, the Carry On series and any of the films of the aforementioned people if these films have not been mentioned) and really any other being or concept we happen to find strangely amusing.
(2) To make available, for the club members, as much of the aforementioned materials, in the form of books, CDs, tapes, videos, laser discs, and future government-approved psychic broadcasts, from the resources of our own collection, and by utilizing the increasing resources of the Rowden White Library (Rowdy).
(3) To have annual celebrations in commemoration of the principal events of the said books, e.g. Annual celebration of the future destruction of Earth by a Vogon Constructor Fleet.
(4) To study the effects of certain colourless volatile liquids, and their intoxicating effects on carbon-based life forms.
(5) To study the effects of certain non-colourless volatile liquids, and their intoxicating effects on carbon-based life forms.
(6) To continue the search for the worst known poetry in the W.S.O.G.M.M. (Ignorance of internal (if an infinite can indeed have a part of it that is internal (or indeed, is it all internal, as its outer limits are infinite (or as the case may be, the contents of the Universe, due to the theoretical non-existence of its limits (I think you get the general idea)))) workings of the W.S.O.G.M.M. is no excuse!)
(7) To appreciate and investigate the non-existence of art, monetary units and sex, within the galaxy, or in fact the apparent excess of all the aforementioned, despite the population approximately equaling zero.
(8) To investigate, for our own enjoyment, the rules to the games “Brokkian Ultra-Cricket,” “Hunt the Wocket,” and Galactic Billiards.
(9) To bring “God’s Final Message To His Creation” to the hedonistic moose-worshipping non-believers, the message being, “W.E.A.P.O.L.O.G.I.S.E.F.O.R.T.H.E.I.N.C.O.N.V.E.N.I.E.N.C.E.”
(10) To console people with any kind of problem, that the answer is indeed, 42. (Including any of the aforementioned problems, even though we may not have mentioned any.)
(11) To convince physicists, raving or otherwise, that there is an eighth colour in the visible spectrum, being Octarine – the colour of magic.
(12) To attempt to stop agitators with hyphens in their names from writing to the club, with the exception of famous British comedians with hyphenated names (and anyone else we don’t find annoying), and Bill Madden Wellington as he is bigger than us.
(13) To say “Zootlewurdle Zootlewurdle Zootlewurdle” a lot.
(14) To assert that the mean (nasty) distance between yourself, and a non-mammalian sea dweller, tends towards a large distance (i.e. Prove that fish come from far away).
(15) To provide a free promotion for The Melbourne International Comedy Festival
(16) To petition N.A.S.A. to begin adding flares and cufflinks to their space-suits.
(17) To acquire all of Julian Clary’s wardrobe.
(18) To invent solar-powered rocket trousers.
(19) To insult every known person in time and space, at least once.
(20) To discover every parallel Universe in the W.S.O.G.M.M.
(21) To make sandwiches.
(22) To train bar staff not to take away glasses with clear volatile liquids still in them.
(23) To twist a dog into a balloon (whilst not being cruel to animals).
(24) To eat vindaloo when it is readily available.
(25) To prove that the round table wasn’t.
(26) To walk up to tourist information booths, and say, “Yeah, so tell me about some people who were here last year.”
(27) To continue making really really really really really really bad puns at every opportunity.
(28) To purchase a decaffeinated coffee table.
(29) To make the C.H.A.S. constitution as difficult to read as possible.
(30) To master the utilization of the phrase “Your Shout” in a pub.
(31) To promote the ideal that digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
(32) To insert an aim in the C.H.A.S. constitution that is not so much an aim, as it is a pointless sentence.
(33) To prove that being dead is not compulsory.
(34) To mention Sharkey in this constitution, for no apparent reason.
(35) To master the etiquette of a backwards reality.
(36) To bestow intelligence to machines.
(37) To prove that chocolate bounty bars are in fact the Devil’s main food.
(38) To discover the meaning of the word “Definition.”
(39) To predict the exact tempo of the next five Kylie Minogue singles.
(40) To further define the difference between a Big Mac, and an ordinary hamburger that has been sneezed on.
(41) To prove, once and for all, that fart jokes are a real gas.
(42) To have exactly 42 aims in the C.H.A.S. constitution.