Words by N. Nemaric
Illustration by Sarah Haris

I was on the bed. She was on the bed. And he was… downstairs. “What are you doing?” I called, clambering for my bra. To my surprise, he said he wasn’t feeling comfortable. A three-way kiss was one thing; sex was a whole new ball game.

I always assumed that every guy’s sexual fantasy consisted of him and two women writhing around on satin sheets. So the media led me to believe. But like most generalisations, this turned out to be false. Not every guy wants to have a threesome.

The mental image of a threesome was enough to excite the aforementioned male. In practice, however, Bob* became physically overwhelmed. Since another girl was involved, I couldn’t take it as a personal affront. When this had happened six months earlier, however, in a more routine encounter, my response had been different. I had wanted sex, the guy had wanted to cuddle, and his disinterest had turned me insecure, confused and angry.

But it was nobody’s fault. Blame rested with the film and the book and the billboard. They had all told me the same thing: men were sex-crazy.

In fact, not every guy thinks about sex every seven seconds. The media has largely misinterpreted the study behind this myth. Firstly, the investigation only used students. Thus, the results couldn’t be an accurate sampling of the male population. Secondly, the men in the study were asked to report on how often they thought about sex. This method disregarded the obvious: people don’t always tell the truth. Furthermore, the men had been told to count their sexual thoughts. Such direction would surely have put sex on their minds, increasing their count.

The author of the study has herself suggested a better indicator for determining the frequency of an individual’s sexual thoughts: “If you could know only one thing about people in order to best predict how often they think about sex, you would be better off knowing their degree of erotophilia (comfort with sexuality) rather than whether they are male or female.”

With that all cleared up, I felt better. But years of lies were still ingrained within my psyche. If a woman rejected sex within a relationship, that was normal. If a man was too tired or disinterested, he was not attracted, he was cheating or he was gay. In actuality, men are just far more similar to women than the media would have us believe. As with porn, not all representations are accurate.

*Names have clearly been altered. Who do you know below the age of 20 named Bob?