The productive “girlboss” narrative is destructive to all those affected by the patriarchy.

During the pandemic, I tried to be as productive as possible. I redownloaded Duolingo, read both fiction and nonfiction books, volunteered, and attempted to be good at drawing. But I struggled to do the bare minimum. And cried. A lot. Whilst listening to Taylor Swift.

Whenever I consume any form of media nowadays, I get swamped by strong “girl bosses” both real and fictional. As a child, I felt so inspired when there were strong women in the media. Whether it was cartoons like Rugrats, Hermione Granger, or any protagonists in YA fiction, I was so excited to see characters I could actually relate to. Since they were so hard to find, any woman leading in a male dominated area was enough. Now, with more female characters like Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel, I should feel as though I finally have the strong representation I need. But instead, I feel isolated by the one figure that was designed to inspire me.

These characters are what I, and most people, would call “girl bosses”. They are all “feminine” and fit conventional beauty standards. They defeat conflict in their narratives, if they’re lucky enough to be given such complexity. They probably have one breakdown, but don’t worry, they’ll get over it in time to defeat the “big bad”. They will be completely perfect and have their happy ending, all while making quick one-liners at the boys if necessary. #Girlboss.

But what does “girlboss” actually mean? To feminism and to me? I would define a #girlboss as a woman who, despite all odds, beats obstacles the patriarchy throws at her and emerges triumphant. There is just one catch—she never actually defeats the patriarchy. The world she thrives in is one rooted in other injustices, such as colonialism and white supremacy. She is a boss within the strict parameters of what our society allows girls to be. She doesn’t break the glass ceiling for all those who identify as women or non- binary people, she breaks it for herself.

And I know that deep down, what I’m describing is a strict vision of womanhood decided in a capitalist patriarchy. It rejects stereotypically feminine personality traits and forces women to conform to “masculine” values, while still maintaining an ideal feminine appearance. It is a vision where one must be productive in the most difficult scenarios, and without any allies. The #girlboss trope is a woman on her own.

Capitalism relies on women to be #girlbosses because it doesn’t actually allow us to question the world we live in. It doesn’t allow us to unite. We should be questioning this structure that forces us to live inside such rigid gender roles. But instead, we internalise and incorporate these values into our daily lives. We end up questioning ourselves and our worth if we crumble under the pressure of being a #girlboss.

The #girlboss is a dumb, one-dimensional trope that doesn’t apply to anyone because it’s not real. People in general aren’t just strong. We’re real. Complex. Layered. Strength is just one of our traits and strength can be defined in myriad ways. I know what we need to do to be the perfect version of ourselves. We must exist. We must find strength in our emotions, in us as a collective, and in our limitations. We mustn’t let the capitalist patriarchy isolate us in an attempt to commodify us. We need to find comfort in our complexity.

Yet, despite knowing all of this, a little voice in my head tells me that the #girlboss is the type of woman I want and need to be.

It is difficult when you’re told to change yourself by everyone around you and you inevitably fail to live up to these unrealistic expectations. The #girlboss narrative
is damaging, not just because of how it shapes other people’s expectations of you, but also because of what you internalise and thus expect of yourself. And I expect a lot. But I am surviving each day and finding ways to smile and do what I love. This trope is difficult to unlearn, but I am glad a bunch of us are unlearning it together.

So, I will listen to folklore and evermore back-to-back as I cry over friendships and relationships past. I will take that extra ten minutes to sleep in and allow myself to rest on top of being productive, whatever that means. I will find comfort in my existence.