Trigger Warning: Violence, murder, small mention of chronic-illness.

Do you ever just want to kill a bunch of vampire hunters with a hacksaw? Slicing and dicing your way through hordes of enemies has a level of satisfaction that can almost completely restore my ruined dopamine levels. Especially after getting unnecessarily harsh marks or sitting through a particularly painful lecture. Not that I think about my tutors while I’m virtually killing people with a hacksaw, that would be weird, haha… I definitely don’t do that.

If you, too, are filled with unbridled rage after a day of people-pleasing, may I introduce you to Vampyr? A chronic-illness-friendly alternative to boxing, Vampyr is an action role-playing game released in 2018. (Why am I reviewing it now when it was released six years ago? Because I procrastinated playing it until now. What? How did I procrastinate for six years? Look, you don’t ask about a lady’s procrastination habits, that’s personal.)
 

In Vampyr you play as Dr. Jonathan Reid, a moral and somewhat pretentious surgeon who is mysteriously turned into a vampire and, in blind bloodlust, kills his sister. Sucks to be him I guess. The story’s main thing is an Undertale-style “your actions have consequences” message. As Dr. Reid, you can either keep with your doctor's oath ethics, or you can fall into vampire bloodlust, and depending on how many citizens you kill the game has a different ending. But, on the flipside, the more citizens you kill the easier the game’s combat is. Will Reid give into his vampire urges or maintain his humanity? Will you, the player, stick with pacifism even when it makes the game unimaginably hard?

While on the surface a really fun gimmick, it’s difficult to take seriously when the game also forces you to kill hundreds of RNG vampire hunters and loot people’s houses. Of course, I absolutely want to kill hundreds of vampire hunters. The combat, as I’ve mentioned, is amazing (and the main reason I’m here). But it's very ironic to wax poetic about not killing people after I’ve just killed, like, ten different guys.

Though falling short on its ethics theme, Vampyr’s world is a delightfully historically accurate recreation of WWI London, mid-Spanish flu epidemic, with some really in-depth (and kind of epic) world-building. This is no Resident Evil: Village “We’re just gonna vibe the rules of our supernatural creatures.” Every creature and ability has an explanation which you discover throughout the game. It also has a really fun and well-executed role-playing and quest system, where your XP gains and choices you make depend on how well you get to know London’s citizens, and how healthy the district they live in is.
 

Okay, I’ll stop pretending I care about the role-playing. Vampyr boasts an incredibly well-balanced and customisable combat system and a variety of enemies, whose difficulty increases exponentially throughout the game. There wasn’t one time where I was bored with the combat or found it easy. Each fight, from bosses to randomly generated enemies, is equally challenging and rewarding. Also, unlike other games (looking at you Resident Evil), Vampyr isn’t over-reliant on guns and ranged combat, meaning you get the satisfying feeling of destroying 10 vampire hunters with a hacksaw. Or a giant spiked club. Or an axe. Whatever strikes your fancy. You can also attack enemies with blood attacks, which have the best sound effects, rivalling the satisfaction of Minecraft’s block-breaking sound effect.

I’ve seemingly spent this review bashing the Resident Evil games which is not, at all, because I don’t like them (Resident Evil: Village is my comfort game). Rather, from the over-the-shoulder perspective to the crafting mechanics, Vampyr has very similar gameplay. Comparison is kind of instinctual. Though I suppose I could’ve compared it to Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey (which did not integrate role-playing into questing well.) Or Horizon Zero Dawn, whose vast open world does interestingly contrast with Vampyr, whose more constricted cityscape forces you to complete every side quest. But I suppose that’s for another review.

Obligatory game comparison over, but if you’re into those styles of game, I would 100% recommend Vampyr. Particularly if you’re desirous of something a bit more balanced than Resident Evil, with an engaging, if not ironic, roleplaying aspect and a world easily lending itself to completionist tendencies. The PS4 version is also 80% off at the moment, so practically free therapy (or you could play it on PC, if you’re that way inclined).