awoke
to the sound of rain
&barely an ounce
of fight within.

in the ashtray lay
the smouldered remains
of moments—seized
&the stubbed out luxury
of not having to think for myself.

awoke
to the morning struggling
to renew itself
&with a dullness in my bones

i wonder...

if the future
really needs us
as much
as we think it does.

sometimes beauty
&goodness
is nowhere to be found.

sometimes life offers both
all at once—offering entire futures
in a single encounter.

this morning i awoke
burdened
by the weight of all
my life could be
&for a moment
was overcome by panic,
a steep dread,
&the looming regret—

that i have but
one life
to try with.